We all know it’s important to ask questions. This is how we build connections with others. It’s how we dig into complex issues at work. It’s how we go beneath the surface.
If you want to ask better questions, it’s tempting to go for brilliant and grand ones. You may be inclined to ask a smart question, or a really insightful one, or to pinpoint something so intelligent that everyone gasps.
But great question-asking can be humble and simple too, by acknowledging what’s right in front of you.
The next time you’re talking with someone, pay close attention to them, especially their non-verbal behavior, and when you observe something surprising or noteworthy, mention it.
- “You just paused, where did your mind go?”
- “You don’t seem very excited about the event…what’s the story?”
- “You made a little smile, what’s that about?”
This might be awkward at first. You’re inviting the other person to go deeper, and not everyone will accept the offer. That’s ok. If you identify a few phrases that feel natural for you, it can help to have those handy. The keys are to:
- Speak to what’s here in the moment. Name it. Be curious.
- Keep your comment or question short, and give your counterpart a chance to respond. It’s not about you.
- Be open and unattached to what comes back
Ask the question, then stop. Be silent. Let it linger, and see what fills the space. Your counterpart might say “oh nothing, I just lost my train of thought”. Or, they may share something profound, moving or important. I’m shocked at how often someone reveals what’s really on their mind, when we create the space for it.
To learn more about how The Questions Company can help you and your team create more trust and openness, please schedule a consultation.
