Last week I met up with some friends for a social outing. Afterward, I reflected on a particular part of the conversation, and I realized that I’d said several things to fit in and avoid conflict, instead of saying what I really thought.
I began to reprimand myself, scolding “why did you do that?”.
Then I stopped myself.
The words of the question are useful, but the tone is not.
Imagine if I asked the same question to myself, but with a spirit of curiosity and interest, the way I would ask a dear friend.
- Stephen, tell me, why did you do that?
- What leads you to sometimes do things to fit in?
- What’s useful about that tendency? What is problematic?
- What would it take to change?
Take a look at the questions you ask yourself. Is there an important learning there? Could the same questions, if asked with a more compassionate tone, reveal some important information?
This Thanksgiving, as you’re generous to those around you, please be generous to yourself, too. You’ll recover more quickly from moments when you’re not yourself, and you’ll make discoveries that could help you be more of the person you really want to be.
