What’s the most valuable piece of feedback you ever received?
When I was about 8 years old we were driving away from my cousins’ house after spending the afternoon together. My father leaned over and gently said to me “you know, you can be very obnoxious sometimes”.
He said it very matter-of-factly, without raising his voice. And it caught me off-guard. I had never heard him speak so directly to me. But I knew what he meant. In trying to fit in, I had spent the afternoon performing antics to impress my cousins, making sarcastic comments, and trying to be funny. All this behavior was out of character for me. My father knew it, and he wanted to make sure I knew it, too.
It was probably uncomfortable for my dad to speak up and say it. But I’m so thankful he did, because he helped me to recognize a defense I employ when I’m nervous. And once I recognized it, I was able to work on it. I’ve carried that simple sentence with me for 30 years. And it’s helped me to grow into the person I am today.
If you lead a team, even if it’s one person, you have the opportunity to inspire and develop them. Every word you say is a chance to share what you’re seeing. You can become the kind of leader others look up to. The kind who says “you matter”. The kind who says “I’ve noticed a couple things, and I want to point them out to you, because I care, and because I think you can handle hearing them.”
But sharing feedback can be nerve-wracking. What if the other person gets offended? What if they become upset with me? What if they don’t like me anymore?
Fortunately there are principles and tactics that help.
On Friday Nov. 15, I’m leading a 1-hour Zoom workshop to share the fundamental frameworks for providing effective feedback in the workplace. If you or a colleague would like to attend, click here for details and to sign up.
