What’s Quietly Running The Show?

Early in my career I put a lot of energy into pleasing the people around me:

• my boss
• my clients
• my coworkers
• my friends
• my parents

So sometimes I would say yes to things I didn’t agree with, instead of having constructive conflict. Or I’d agree to things that didn’t make sense or went against my better judgment.

All because I thought this was the right thing to do or would help me get ahead.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to please others.

The problem was, it was running the show: too often, making others happy was the deciding factor.

At work it was overriding other important variables like

• the client is asking for a report, but what do they really need?
• what would serve the team best?
• what other timelines will be jeopardized if I say yes here?

And this approach had real costs:

1. A deadline would be missed because we were adding other features
2. My team would have to scramble on short notice
3. Or I’d follow the client’s request instead of probing for the real issue

I was vaguely aware that I was doing this.

But I didn’t realize how far-reaching the consequences were, or how often I fell into this trap.

And it took conversations with my coach for me to see that.

Once I got the full picture, everything changed. I still considered what would make other people happy. But I didn’t let it dominate my decisions.

People often think coaching is about advice or accountability.  

It can include those things.

But the most important part of what I do is help people uncover what’s been quietly calling the shots.

What running the show, for you?

1. I have to get things done
2. I have to appear like I have it together
3. I need to get it just right
4. I need to keep everyone happy

Just imagine – if you could rewrite your primary script…what else would change too?